Living on Lord Howe Island

Jan
20

That Four Letter Word

Posted by Pinetrees Lodge – Saturday, January 20, 2018



Contributed by Denis Corcoran: For the sake of the younger readers, the profanity filter will remain switched on for the remainder of this article.

That four letter word _ _ _ _ . It’s kind of a big deal on Lord Howe.

It’s offensive, rude and annoying. It can ruin your day when someone says it to you, ‘watch out for _ _ _ _’ .

Before you even set foot on the idyllic shores of Lord Howe, _ _ _ _ is toying with your fate.
The aviation experts at Qantas are muttering four letter words to themselves as they sip their analytical cups of morning coffee.

‘This is your captain speaking. Please remain seated, seat belts firmly fastened, we’re going to experience some unexpected _ _ _ _ !’

They never tell you how bad _ _ _ _ is going to be. In reality the black box probably sounds more something like this…

‘ _ _ _ _ !!! We’re coming in quick…. unforeseen _ _ _ _ ! Hold on, we’re approaching the runway sideways… _ _ _ _!!!’

This is of course, fabricated. No pilots were harmed in the making of this parody. Qantas I am sure, avoid all reputation-damaging four letter words as much as possible. On the contrary, in the spirit of true professionalism, upon making the descent to the island, pilots scout about for Lord Howe’s flappy plastic bits, silently hoping they are un-stimulated, flaccid and floppy. Nothing puts the fear into pilots like some fully erect aerated socks pointing in different directions.

Once on tierra firma, _ _ _ _ dictates your day. My advice to you, suck it up, get used to it.

Heading to the beach? Didn't check the weather report? _ _ _ _ !
Hope you don’t mind picking bits of sand from your eyes.

Want to go for a bike ride and didn’t think about _ _ _ _?!
Slap some of that in your face with a side order of 20 knots.

_ _ _ _ tends to whistle past you, tickling the bristles of the smile on your chin, wiping it clean.
_ _ _ _ is very rarely a laughing matter on Lord Howe.
When you smile in the face of _ _ _ _ you get bugs in your mouth. No one likes that.
_ _ _ _ happens. Like cancelled planes. No one likes that.

_ _ _ _ is like a bully. Often turns up unexpected at gatherings, muscles in and starts pushing and shoving, ruffles your hair, gets under your skin. You end up frazzled and tell em’ to go away only to be made a fool of as it comes back with twice the force.
It’s like fighting a loosing battle. You vs _ _ _ _ . The score is always 0 - 1.
_ _ _ _ doesn't care about you. Accept it. Get out the way. Or play the away game.

Part of the authenticity of dining al fresco on Lord Howe is the public use of the many BBQ locations scattered about the island. However failure to see if _ _ _ _ is around and you can guarantee ‘y’all be eating sausage sangas with a side order of sandy sauce.’

On Lord Howe, there are no shortage of four letter words that spring to mind to describe _ _ _ _ .

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About Dani Rourke

HELP! I have 2 children, 25 staff and up to 75 guests. I was a lawyer for 10 years, but escaped. My husband and I moved from Sydney to beautiful Lord Howe Island to run Pinetrees Lodge, which has been in my family for 6 generations. I'm writing about family business, island life and the whole work/family disaster. Did someone say balance? When I'm not writing, my lovely staff do it for me - they see more of the island than I do.

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